I can see you

How long can I sit here?
'till the moon rises
'till there's no more time
No more days to wait
No more chances to say
the one thing I've been waiting so long to hear.
Will I even look during those last few hours?
What if I don't see you?
The day may go by with no chance
One more day of not seeing your face
added to eternity
Will you think of me?
As your sitting where I've been
where I've learned
where I've laughed
Will you think of me?
I can't say I'll think of you
no promises
my life will go on
or start.

What have you done?

He made me smile and laugh, what have you done recently? You've made me toss and turn, frett and sweat. All you do is build up hopes and then slowly pick the bricks away. He listens and cares. When I'm sad he asks me how I'm doing, when I'm happy he's happy with me. You can't have me happy. He always smiles at me and makes me feel special. I'm never ugly when he's around. He's cute and awkward with a pun for every situation. He knows everything I do and everything I love... well almost everything. He can't know about you. He's a decent person, one the best I know and an excellent friend. He asked me to the prom, what have you done recently?

Dear Connor,

I'm sorry but I can't do this. You sit so close but I'm looking past you. Masculine, quiet and thoughtful you sit beside me and make me laugh. Imagination is my curse, he makes it go wild, I shouldn't have to turn it on. It's my curse and you make me turn it on?! Even so it's not the same. I stop, I shudder, I sigh. Blue eyes, strong hands, honourable but I'm stuck at your chest. I long to be held against it, in your arms as I weep like a scene in a harlequin romance. I weep for him though. Not even your lips satisfy my wild imagination and his make my blood boil. His cocky swagger is aggravating but mesmerizing and your nonchalant stroll may be growing on me but it hardly haunts my dreams at night. You see, he's my habbit, my cigarette, my obsession and he has been for so long, too long, there's no going back. He tore a hole in my heart and now everything drips out the bottom, including your unfeigned smiles and attentiveness. I can't do this to you. You should stay away. Can't you see I'm just using you? You're just a pawn in an addict's game. Every smile, every laugh, every touch is just in hopes that he might catch a glimpse and suffer even a second of what I suffer ever everyday. It's a falling sensation as your heart pounds and sends concrete through your veins. Your brain is wrung like a sponge as your eyes fog. I can't do this.
With Love,
Sarah

June

The last days of school always have an air about them. Nobody works or cares but in the back of their minds their stressed about exams or the fact that they don't care. Your conscience insists that you should be concerned but the sun insists that you shouldn't. It's loud and quiet at the same time and the halls are dark but it's bright. Everyone's tired and are waking up with confidence and playfulness all at once. It's a transition and a strange time, anything can happen. Things that have layed dormant for 10 months are forced to get up and act. Time is ticking by and kids are crossing off the days in their own way. Summer is a time of separation and with it creeping closer people make decisions, either speak your mind or miss me. You need to miss me, maybe it'll be good for you. Next year is your last chance before I'm gone forever, I start my life while your still here to think about me. For others it'll be too late, their doing their lasts this week. It's goodbye for so many friends, last hugs and frivolous promises. Next year won't be the same without them. It hasn't really sunk in yet but it will that first day back and I have nobody squealing, hugging me, welcoming me back and making me feel loved. I'll never have that again, it was easy with them, I didn't have to try...they talked to me and I didn't have to try, nothing was awkward. The lasts days of school aren't really school, it's what school should be. It's a place where anything can happen. It's a learning environment and not the shit you read in books that changes with every century but the real life.

Dream

What if I just ran up and kissed you? What would you do? Would you even flinch? What would happen after? Anything?

You Make Me Crazy

I'm writing this not only because I want to but I have to. It's the will of my hand and cry of my heart. This disregarded half piece of blank paper needs to be written on. It's paper and paper has to be filled, with thought, emotion, confessions, I need you Dreams I want you. It was just sitting here, in my book, blank. It can't be blank. Fill it up! As long as there are thoughts in your head there should never be a blank piece of paper. I'm writing at 11:30 because it was screaming at me. An alarm or the weight in the back of my head. Fill me up! This is what you do to me. You make me CRAZY! I want you. because of you I must write. I HAVE to or I'll explode. I want you and only you. I can't jump I'm too chicken, call me a coward if you must at least it'll be a word in my direction. I want to see you in those rugby shorts running in the sun without a shirt. I want to be near your arrogant confidence. I want to see every expression on your freckled face especially your intensely sexy face. The one you look at me with when I turn up in a different place and I surprise you, but it's much more than surprise. The one you use when you think I'm not looking. I want your arms. I want your big plump lips. I want your hand in mine. I need your arms around me. I need your presence, I need to see you. Come on! Leave me alone, it's late. Let me sleep. Oh let me sleep. But I can imagine me running my finger tips along your chest and your firm hands holding my arms. Hands are the greatest thing in the world. I'd run them through your hair. You'd run them down my back. You haunt my dreams as the tyrant, the angel and my sin all in one night. Over and Over. My heart keeps racing, I never sleep. This is what you do to me. You make me write at midnight, you make me sweat at daybreak and you make me weak in the sunlight.